Dame Nellie Better

A Potted History


Dame Nellie Better was born some years ago (she never reveals her age) to Cedric and Gladys Shufflewick who were humble black pudding and tripe merchants in the north of England.

She left St. Hilda’s School for Young Ladies, at the request of the headmistress, after an unfortunate incident with the school mascot and a stick of Salami. The mascot did make a full recovery, although the Salami was never found and corned beef hash was served in its place.

After school, Dame Nellie, became a long-distance lorry driver on the Isle of Wight – a very short-lived career, which quickly reached the end of the road. Fate intervened and she married the entrepreneur Sir Miles Better (pictured opposite), after a brief affair that lasted a few short days in the glamorous part of Walton-on-the-Naze.


Sir Miles had made his fortune in marmalade mining and slurry farming – two industries that sit uncomfortable together. After one horrendous mix up in the processing plant, the business folded and Sir Miles became a recluse and passed on some years ago leaving Dame Nellie to fend for herself.


Most recently she has just left her job as stunt double for Pat Butcher and is now following her first love (restraining orders permitting) of live entertainment.


She is available for cabaret, corporate events, hosting and pantomime and is always looking for new venues to ply her trade!


© Copyright Clifford J Hume/Cliffy Productions 2012-2018  www.cliffordhume.co.uk